


Paradoxes

by latenightlionheart



Series: Almost Kayfabe [3]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Romance, now I'm sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 13:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latenightlionheart/pseuds/latenightlionheart
Summary: Justin finally takes Heath up on his offer to come visit him after several months apart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is set sometime after ["Off the Hook"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8273896) and uses the same head!kayfabe. (Also in this kayfabe, Heath has never lived in a trailer, single or double wide. :p) You might also want to read ["Holding Out" ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7924621) before this too, as they all kinda fit together. This started as a little ficlet about Heath's house and idek what happened. I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> Oh and because I'm pretty sure Heath's never mentioned having a dog in kayfabe, the dog in this fic isn't his irl one. But they do look a lot alike...

___

Justin stood at the edge of the cliff and breathed in deeply. The sun was high overhead, stuck in an impossibly blue sky without a cloud in sight. He looked down at the sparkling water below him and took in another deep breath, smiling to himself. This spot was one of the best in the world for cliff diving and it was a beautiful day for it. A perfect day to jump and feel nothing but the wind surrounding him, rushing around and through him as he hurtled downwards towards the cool, clear water. It was perfect and he needed it so badly; both the rush of endorphins that came with the thrill of free falling, and the blissful emptiness of a mind overwhelmed by physical sensation.

His phone was stashed safely in his backpack, set under a nearby tree. A fellow diver had agreed to keep an eye on his things until he'd returned, but for some reason he felt an urge to look back, just to be sure, so he did. It was still there. 

One more deep breath.

And then, forward and off and down, down, down, and nothing but the feeling - electric and alive and terrifying at once. Addictive euphoria, blood thrumming, skin buzzing. Breath caught until taken and burning his throat, his lungs. Mind numb to everything but that moment and that moment alone. Until the shock of cold water, blunt and harsh, slapping his skin like a hard realisation, the stinging reminder of reality and the fleetingness of such moments. It was over already. Breathless and still vibrating from the high, Justin swam back to shore.

*

The notification light on his phone was blinking when Justin pulled it from his pack. No new emails, no texts or messages, not even an errant Candy Crush invitation. But then he saw it - a voice mail. Who even left voice mails? 

_Heath._

*

Heath's voice always sounded deeper, his accent more pronounced, over the phone. A few weeks had passed and more messages had been left. Justin replayed them all several times in a row, listening intently each time as if somehow they would be different. Something in the pit of Justin's stomach twisted when he noticed that Heath's cheerful tone turned progressively sadder with each message, his hopefulness being replaced with a wistful tone of defeat, each sentence filled with more long pauses and sighs. The latest one though, that was the one that made Justin's chest hurt the most. Heath had bought a house and he wanted Justin to come see it. Despite the broken promises and the unreturned calls, despite everything, Heath was still reaching out to him, still wanted to see him. Justin swallowed the sour taste in his mouth and deleted the messages. 

*

It was easy to push down his guilt, along with any lingering sadness, when he was living out of a suitcase halfway across the world. One gig to another to another, days blurring into weeks, the constant grind kept his thoughts from drifting too deep. Until there were no more appearances booked, no more skydiving sessions planned, until there was nothing for him to do but return to his empty apartment. That was when the guilt and longing and loneliness set in, in the long, quiet nights. Too quiet. Deafening silence and nothing to drown out the thoughts, to ease the heaviness in his chest, stomach. Justin couldn't hold the feelings down any longer so he did the only thing that felt right - he dialed Heath's number and prayed.

*

The drive would be nice, Heath had told him on the phone. It'd been a hot September and summer was still desperately hanging on in spite of the oncoming fall. Still, as he drove, Justin noticed the leaves were finally starting to change colour. The air seemed heavier than it should have been, but it was sweet and fresh coming in the rental car's windows. Justin followed the gps away from the grey racket of the city, to quiet small towns, past full forests of tall trees and fruit stands, each winding country road bringing him closer and closer to the address Heath had given him.

Justin turned down one last narrow, tree-lined road and the little house came into view. And so did Heath. He was stood at the bottom of the stairs leading to the house, a baseball hat pulled down low to shield his eyes from the setting sun. Justin gave him a wave before putting the car into park. He'd made it.

Justin couldn't take his eyes off Heath, standing there patiently in well-worn jeans and a soft looking flannel shirt. And his smile - Justin could see it spreading across his face, even from a distance - it was so easy and fond and pleased. The sunset was casting a golden glow on Heath and Justin really wouldn't have been surprised if cartoon bluebirds had appeared to perch on his shoulder and whistle love songs. From the look of Heath's yard, a few baby deer showing up wouldn't have been out of the question at least. Justin was...definitely staring, so he grabbed his bag from the trunk and walked over to where Heath was waiting.

"Heath!" he said, grabbing him into what Justin thought would be a casual, quick hug. But when he felt those familiar arms wrap around him, after all that time, Justin couldn't help but hold on a little tighter.

"Well hello to you too," Heath said, holding him tight, rubbing his back. His voice was playful but just low enough that it - like everything else about Heath right then - did funny stuff to Justin's insides.

"Drive was nice, like you said."

"Yeah, I thought you'd like it." 

Heath let him go and gestured towards the house. "C'mon, let me show you around."

*

As soon as the front door was opened, Justin heard a thump and then the click-click-click of nails on hardwood. 

_Buddy_.

"Oof!" Justin said as the giant black dog jumped up to lick his face.

"Easy boy," Heath said gently. "What'd I say about greetin' people?"

"He really listens to you, doesn't he Heath?" Justin said, laughing as Buddy continued making a huge fuss of him.

"Hey, he usually does," Heath said, finally getting Buddy to cease. "Think you're a bad influence on him maybe."

Justin smiled and scratched behind the dog's ears. "I'm a bad influence on everyone."

Heath laughed and sent Buddy off to lie down with a chewy toy. "Do ya want the grand tour?"

"Of course! Show me everything, Heath."

"Everything?" Heath repeated, raising an eyebrow. 

*

Heath's house was cozy and welcoming, even though he had barely spent more than few weeks' worth of off days there himself. It was obvious he hadn't even unpacked fully yet as there were several boxes still taped shut stacked up around the place. The walls were mostly empty except for pictures - lots of pictures, dozens, some framed, some stuck to the fridge - pictures of friends, of Buddy, of places Heath had travelled. But the majority of the pictures, Justin noticed, were ones of Heath and Justin together. 

"Sorry it's a bit of a mess," Heath said as he walked Justin from room to room. "Only got here this morning myself."

"Don't even worry about it," Justin told him.

The lighting was soft and the hardwood floors were already a little scratched in places from Buddy's nails. The sofa and armchairs were dusted in a light coating of dog fur, Heath never did have the heart to keep the dog off the furniture, even when he was renting.

The door to the bedroom was closed so Heath swung it open sheepishly to show him. "You know I don't bother making the bed, so don't act all surprised." he said, laughing as he kicked some socks under the wooden frame.

"What, no tv in here?" 

"Got a tablet now," Heath replied. "No commercials on Netflix, ya know?"

"Thought you liked the infomercials best," Justin teased, as Heath ushered him out and back towards the living room.

"Do not! There's just nothing else on at night! Anyway...that's about all of it."

"This place is great," Justin said, and he really meant it - in fact, he already felt right at home. 

And kinda like he couldn't breathe.

*

The kitchen was comforting and warm and Justin smelled something delicious wafting through it. Heath set out a plate of chicken and potatoes from the oven and slid it towards him. 

"Kept it warm for you, didn't know when you were gonna show up."

He meant if, didn't know _if_ he was going to show up, and Justin knew it.

"Thanks," Justin said. "It looks really good, Heath."

Heath nodded. "Welcome. There's more where that came from, if you're still hungry later."

Under the table, Justin felt Buddy shift to lean against his leg. Justin looked down, expecting the dog to beg for a bite of chicken or something but Buddy just let out a big sigh and dropped his head down to rest on Justin's feet.

"Looks like someone missed you," Heath said, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.

Justin swallowed hard and looked back at his plate. "I missed him too."

*

There was a couch covered in old blankets and quilts off to the side, but nothing was as inviting as Heath's bed. Heath was already in it and the soft light of the lamp made him look kind of otherworldly, sweet and sleepy and innocent even, and it was starting to make Justin's stomach churn. Heath was just sitting there, scrolling through his phone, oblivious to Justin's stare. Or so he thought.

"Get over here already, would ya?" 

"Okay," Justin said, climbing in beside him. Justin exhaled with relief when Heath clicked off the bedside lamp and drew him to his chest, sighing contently. 

It was quiet then, and just the sound of the crickets outside and their breathing filled the room. 

Justin skimmed his palm across Heath's chest and down to his stomach, tentatively tracing fingertips over warm skin. 

"Mmm..." Heath breathed. 

Justin slid his hand just the slightest bit lower and Heath mumbled something he didn't quite catch. But when his hand was gently pulled away, Justin understood.

Heath yawned and kissed him on the forehead. "It's late. You had a long drive, you should rest."

Justin wished he could.

*

At first, the night seemed to drag on and on, but eventually Justin managed to drift off, Heath's steady breathing and warm arms lulling him into a dreamless sleep.

When Justin awakened it was morning and his arm was trapped by a snoozing Buddy, snoring loudly and drooling on him. But no Heath.

"C'mon Buddy, get up, I gotta go find Heath..." Justin said, unsuccessfully trying to budge the stubborn dog. He lightly shoved him, trying to free his arm and received a grumpy growl-yawn for his trouble. That dog was not moving.

"Yeah, good luck with that, he likes to sleep in," Heath said, appearing in the doorway. "I'll bring your coffee in for you."

"Would he move for bacon?" Justin asked, laughing, because now Buddy had goofily flopped over on him and he was fully pinned under the giant dog.

"Maybe," Heath said, snapping a picture on his phone with a grin. "But I'm all outta bacon..."

*

After breakfast Heath asked if Justin wanted to take the ATVs out for awhile. He was the goddamn Darewolf, so of course, he did, and soon they were riding around Heath's property, Heath pointing out little things of interest as they went along. The sun was still warm, far too warm for the time of year it was, so when they finally stopped to cool off in the shade for a bit, Justin was glad.

"Ah, Heath..." Justin said, leaning back against the tree they were under.

"Yeah?"

"This is really fun." 

"Yeah," Heath replied softly. "Nice day too..."

Justin caught Heath's wrist and tugged him closer so they were nose to nose.

"It really is..."

Heath closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Justin's. "Mhm."

*

The day passed quickly, way too quickly Justin thought, and soon it was dinner time again. Heath had put out another spread - more chicken, this time with roast vegetables, a couple of beers each and half an apple pie.

"You're spoiling me," Justin said, as Heath piled more food on his plate.

"It's just chicken! I got lots in the freezer." 

"You mean all this _isn't_ just because I'm here?"

"Don't flatter yourself too much!" Heath said, laughing.

The conversation stayed light and Justin was thankful for that. Buddy had wandered off somewhere after they'd finished eating and now they were alone in the kitchen again. Heath seemed relaxed, whistling cheerfully as he hauled all the dishes towards the sink.

"Can I help with that?" 

"Nahhh," Heath said, shoving leftovers into the fridge. "You're my guest. And I'm just gonna let 'em soak anyway."

"Alright then," Justin said. 

*

Any night was a good night for a bonfire if you asked Heath, so as soon as dusk hit Heath was out back, carefully stacking twigs and other scrap pieces of wood. Justin watched Heath's face light up as the first embers started to glow and spread to the pile. There was a log nearby big enough for both of them to sit on, so when Heath plopped down to watch the fire grow, Justin followed suit. 

Heath was just staring blankly into the flames and Justin suddenly didn't know what to do with his hands so he shoved them into the pockets of his lightweight hoodie. The movement drew Heath's attention and he turned his warm smile to Justin.

"You ever do stuff like this back at home as a kid?"

Something in the fire popped and sent sparks flying off to their left.

"Like camping? A little bit, yeah. When I was little...And then it was mostly just wrestling from the time I was old enough..."

Heath instinctively moved himself a little closer. "Sorry...I didn't mean to--"

Justin lowered his hood and looked over at Heath. "What? No, it's fine. I also went to a lot of bush parties as a teenager. Now those were fun! I had to sneak out and my mom always busted me coming in the morning. Then I was in big trouble!"

"Of course," Heath laughed. "My mom didn't like me going to those either!"

"Can't imagine why..." Justin smirked. They shared a knowing look before bursting into laughter.

"Ah, good times!" Justin said, when their laughing had finally slowed.

"I think we definitely would have been friends back then too," Heath said. 

"Just friends?"

Heath thought about it for a second. "Special...friends?"

"Haha, Heath. That's pretty cute."

"Aw, shuddup," Heath said, playful. "But we woulda been together, somehow, I'm sure."

"I think so too," Justin said. "Hey, Heath?"

"Now what?" Heath said, raising his eyebrows like he expected more teasing.

"I'm really glad you invited me..." 

"Me too...but I'm kinda surprised you actually showed up, if I'm being honest," Heath said, sneaking a glance at Justin. "But I'm so glad you did, Angel."

Justin couldn't help but smile at Heath using the old nickname again.

"It's not fair," he said, wrapping an arm around Heath's bicep and leaning his head against his shoulder.

Heath palmed at Justin's hair, slowly stroking downwards, stopping to graze a thumb comfortingly over his ear. "What's not fair?"

"That you're so..." he gestured, looking away and up into the inky night sky. "And I'm..."

But Heath just pulled him closer. "The Darewolf? A thrillseeker? Cool as hell?"

Justin frowned. "Never around..."

Heath made a low kind of tutting sound and sighed. "It's okay 'cause it's so amazing whenever you are."

Justin wiggled his way out of Heath's arms and turned him by the shoulders to look him in the eye. 

"Is it really okay, though? I don't think it is, Heath. It shouldn't--"

"Aw c'mon, do we have to do this? We were having a nice night and--"

Justin scowled. "How can you--"

There was a rustling in the bushes and both men froze. But their apprehension quickly melted away when the shrubbery parted and Buddy bounded out towards them.

"Heyyy," Justin said, patting Buddy's head after the dog had wedged himself between them and let out a low whine.

Heath stood and grabbed the bucket of sand to put out the fire. "Maybe we should just call it a night." 

*

Justin sighed and headed for the couch. But as soon as he was about to lie down and settle in, Heath was there standing over him.

"Come to bed? Unless..." Heath trailed off, his voice gentle.

"No, I thought you--" Justin started.

"C'mon," Heath said, as he took Justin's hand and led him back to the bed. 

Justin sank down next to Heath and cast his eyes toward the ceiling.

"You don't want to be here anymore, do you?" Heath said, frowning.

"No, I do...It's just...do we have to talk about it now?"

"Nope," Heath said, fluffing the quilt on top of them. "You don't gotta do anything, but that couch is lumpy as hell and Buddy usually--"

Justin cut him off and pressed himself closer. "Kiss me?"

"Thought you'd never ask..." Heath murmured, leaning over to plant a soft kiss to Justin's lips.

"Thought maybe you didn't want to anymore..." Justin said quietly.

Heath pulled back. "Would ya stop saying stuff like that?"

"Sorry..."

Heath sighed, exasperated. "It's okay."

Justin curled himself around Heath and nuzzled into his neck. Heath didn't say anything else, he just turned off the lamp and reached for Justin to wrap him up in his arms again. 

*

It was just after three and dammit, Justin hadn't slept a wink. Heath looked so peaceful and warm beside him, still clutching him loosely and snoring softly. Justin wanted so badly to give into sleep again but his mind raced with all the things he wanted to tell Heath but couldn't. He owed him an explanation, or at the very least, a real apology. But Heath hadn't wanted to talk about it and now he was sleeping so contently too...

It would probably be easier to explain everything later, Justin thought. He couldn't wake Heath just to ruin the little time left they had before he had to leave. He could call Heath later, confess everything. It would be better that way, for both of them. And that way, he wouldn't have to see the sadness and disappointment on Heath's face.

He slipped out from under Heath's arm and rolled off the bed, taking care not to disturb Buddy who was fast asleep on the couch next to them. Justin took one last long look at Heath before creeping across the room and out of the bedroom. He grabbed his bag from the hall closet and made his way out the front door and into the dark night. 

*

Heath found him outside, sitting on the trunk of the rental car, looking up into the night sky. 

"Thought you'd left." 

"Almost did." Justin said quietly, turning his gaze to Heath, who'd just sat down next to him on the car.

"Why..." Heath looked over at Justin and waited for him to speak again.

"I...hurt you. I heard it in your voice, in those messages...fuck, I can see it in your eyes now. I hurt you, Heath--"

"And leaving in the dead of the night wouldn't hurt me? The hell?"

Justin sighed. "I know. I...don't always think these things through..."

Heath blew out his breath. "Ya think? What in the world _are_ you thinkin', Justin?"

Justin frowned and looked away. "I promised to be there when you won..."

"And you couldn't be. And I'm not gonna lie-- it hurt. I wanted to see you so bad. I always do..."

"Heath-- I..."

"Look, I get it...You thought I wouldn't win, right? I have the worst record and bad luck just follows me..."

"Heath, no! It's just...That place, it's toxic. I was sure...sure they'd find some way to cheat you out of a win. Send out Orton again or--"

"But they didn't! And Rhyno didn't turn on me neither. Don't think he didn't tell me you texted warning him! But it doesn't even matter now. You don't gotta say anything more..."

Justin finally looked up at Heath again. The look in his eyes... Justin shook his head.

"But it does matter! I should have been there, I promised you--"

Heath sighed, long and loud. "It's over. And you're here now...can we just--"

Justin frowned. "But I didn't even call you back until..."

"It took you awhile, but ya did. And I'm willing to take you whenever I can get you."

Justin cringed, guilt washing over him again. How was it possible for Heath to be so forgiving of him, so endlessly, sweetly, forgiving?

"Oh god, Heath...You know how fucking awful I am? I...was partly hoping you'd lose...so you wouldn't get a contract, so you, we..."

"You...what?" 

"...I'm selfish and--"

"Justin, stop...Please..."

"I don't deserve you."

The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Heath violently shook his head. "No...no! Don't you dare say that!"

"But it's true."

Heath was still shaking his head in disbelief. "No. And you don't get to decide that, anyway."

Justin hung his head. "I guess..."

Heath grabbed Justin's arm. "Justin...Look at me, will you? You're here now. That's what matters to me..."

"Okay, Heath," Justin said finally, taking Heath's hand in his. "Okay."

Justin huddled against Heath in the cool night air. They watched the dark sky lighten, the two of them still sat there on the car. Soon enough the sun was rising, and they watched in silence, pressed close as the darkness gave way to morning. The night had slipped away from them.

*

"You know you're welcome, more than welcome, to come back any time. I mean it..."

"I wish I could--" Justin said, not able to meet Heath's eyes again. "But I can't promise--"

"Open invitation, okay? I'll be here almost every day I get off. I really missed you, you know. Missed us..." Heath said, awkwardly opening his arms to pull Justin into a hug. Justin just wanted to bury himself in his arms, fill his nose up with Heath's scent. 

So he did.

"Heath..." Justin started.

Heath just held him and sighed deeply. "Don't say anything you don't mean, please."

"I really love you Heath...I'm still-- so, so in love with you."

The last part was almost a whisper, said directly into his neck but Heath heard him. Justin's breath caught in his throat and his heart pounded erratically while he waited for Heath's reply. 

"You better be..." Heath said, exhaling a little sigh and Justin could practically hear the satisfied happiness in his voice. Heath pulled back little to look at him. "Long haul."

Justin blinked. "What?"

"Long haul," Heath repeated. "Since the day we met, Angel. I'm in this for the long haul, nothin' less. Ain't nobody else."

 _Oh._ A lump rose in Justin's throat as he looked back into Heath dark eyes. "Heath that's..." 

"Yeah, I'm real romantic like," Heath said, brushing his lips against Justin's, hand squeezing his hip. "You don't have to say anything..."

So he didn't.

Justin deepened the kiss and and felt his heart beating out of his chest, the blood whooshing in his ears, his skin tingling all over. Heath was kissing him back passionately, sweetly, his fingers threading into his hair, sending a chill down his back. Justin was lost in the moment, and that particular moment was perfect, was everything. 

"Don't you have a plane to catch?" Heath whispered, in between more kisses.

The sun was getting higher in the early morning sky. He really did have to go.

Justin pulled away slowly, reluctantly. "I'll text you when I land?"

"Yeah, okay. You do that," Heath said, face a little flushed and smile wide.

"Heath...thanks for..."

Heath just shook his head. "Open invitation."

That was the last thing Heath said to him before Justin was driving off again, back towards the city and the plane that would take him thousands of miles away from Heath.

For the first time, there was nothing Justin wanted more than to stay.


End file.
